it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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