We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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