Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
