Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
