I wish my penis had an off switch
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
