what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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