I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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