Me too!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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