Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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