bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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