then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
