And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
