so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
