i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
