I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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