I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
