I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
