The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
