You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
