We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize