I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
