she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
