Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
