thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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