god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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