I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize