After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
