I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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