Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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