Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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