We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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