He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We named our party play list daddy issues
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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