Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He did a backflip because drugs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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