If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
