he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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