did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
