Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
