wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
