jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
