is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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