she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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