This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am spending my child support on dildos
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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