I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
