So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sarcasm needs its own font
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Damn victory sex feels great
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
