I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
