Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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