I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
