I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize