Screwed.edu
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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