I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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