It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
