Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
