i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
