something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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