chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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