SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
