either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
