There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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