dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
