no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
