I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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