her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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